dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
