So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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