I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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