I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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