help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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