just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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