Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
