tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
