does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I need to align my fucking chakras
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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