I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
