Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
