maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
