where does the pee come out of this thing
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize