it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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