bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't deserve a penis
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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