we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Vodka?
Forever.
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Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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