Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You made out with two different species that night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Randomize
