He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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