I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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