I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
