Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
