He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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