no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
