I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We named our party play list daddy issues
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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