Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
