I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
