Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
