M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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