He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We named our party play list daddy issues
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
