Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
