When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
