i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
