Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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