I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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