i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
