I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
