Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
