No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw