mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.