Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate