I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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