I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
