From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
