she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize