I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
