I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We were destined to go to rehab together
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
