did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
