she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
