Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
