so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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