Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
