I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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