i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
