Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
