dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
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I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!