wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?