He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
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Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
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We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.