i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
