im drinking this country out of the recession.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
