do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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