you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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