How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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