Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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