i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
